Can You Ever Love the Same Person Twice?

A revelation I had in my 20's...

They say lightning never strikes the same place twice. But, what about love?

I used to believe it could. That if love were real, if it truly meant something, it would find a way back. That time, distance, mistakes, none of it mattered. Because real love did not just disappear.

So I went back. More than once. Hoping that if I carefully retraced my steps, I would find them again. But each time, I left disappointed. Because something had changed. Or maybe everything had.

I was not chasing the person in front of me; I was chasing the version of them I had memorised, the one I had carefully archived in my mind. Love, like fashion, has cycles. Trends come back, silhouettes return, but they are never the same. The cut is different, the fabric softer, the fit just slightly off from what you remember. You tell yourself it is fate, that the universe is leading you back to something unfinished. Or maybe, it’s just muscle memory, reaching for something familiar because you once knew how it felt against your skin.

But does it ever fit the same way twice?

I would sit across from them, searching for the familiarity I was so sure still existed, but it was never quite there. Their words felt different, their presence unfamiliar. It was like stepping back into a place I once loved, only to realise the furniture had been rearranged, the walls repainted, the light no longer hitting the room the way it used to.

And yet, I was still the same. Still standing in the ruins of something I refused to admit had already crumbled, convinced that if I reached far enough, I could bring it back to life. But the past does not wait for you. It moves, shifts, and reshapes itself while you’re still clinging to what was.

I finally stopped the cycle when I finally understood: that you never do meet the same person twice. The version I held onto wasn’t them, it was an echo, stitched together from memory and wishful thinking.

The truth is, we hold onto the past because we think it’s safer than starting over. But what we forget is that the past ended for a reason. You cannot love someone the way they used to be. And maybe the real loss isn’t that they’ve changed, but that you’re still holding space for someone who no longer exists.